EVERYONE WANTS TO BE AMBASSADOR TO FRANCE

New Story in Tikkun

A woman in a hole with a hand in her mouth.

BLACK SUNDAY: New Short Fiction Series Reading

I’ll be featured at the New Short Fiction Series this Sunday at the Federal Bar.

Real PROFESSIONAL actors will be performing my stories.

There will be music by GREENHORSE.

And ARTISANAL BEER.

SEE YOU THERE »> https://www.facebook.com/events/113760785484740/

Allo Darlin' - I Wanna Be Sedated (Ramones)

Today’s jam.

My new column is live at the always great Tin House. These interviews were lots of fun to conduct and are even more fun to share.
Part One: T.C. Boyle, Amelia Gray, Lee K. Abbott, and Kelly Luce.
Part Two featuring Aimee Bender, Ryan McIlvain, and Bonnie Nadzam.
Part Three: Pauls Toutonghi, A.N. Devers, Jim Gavin, and Sean Bernard.
Part Four: Jim Krusoe, Dana Johnson, and Aspen Matis.
Part Five: Sam Allingham
Part Six: Stephan Clark, Josie Sigler, Apricot Irving, and Kyle Minor.

My new column is live at the always great Tin House. These interviews were lots of fun to conduct and are even more fun to share.

Part One: T.C. Boyle, Amelia Gray, Lee K. Abbott, and Kelly Luce.

Part Two featuring Aimee Bender, Ryan McIlvain, and Bonnie Nadzam.

Part Three: Pauls Toutonghi, A.N. Devers, Jim Gavin, and Sean Bernard.

Part Four: Jim Krusoe, Dana Johnson, and Aspen Matis.

Part Five: Sam Allingham

Part Six: Stephan Clark, Josie Sigler, Apricot Irving, and Kyle Minor.

Gratuitous Self Interview

The wonderful Genevieve Kaplan asked me to participate in the internet self interview thing that writers have been doing. Here it is for your enjoyment:

WHAT IS THE WORKING TITLE OF YOUR BOOK?

Same as the occasional title of this webbie thing (a blog? a Tumblr? I don’t like either of those words, so from now on: webbie thing): Everyone Wan
ts to Be Ambassador to France.

WHERE DID THE IDEA COME FROM FOR THE BOOK?

The soft matter in my skull. The trauma inflicted upon it by my parents.

WHAT GENRE DOES YOUR BOOK FALL UNDER?

The saddest genre: short story collection.

WHY’S THAT THE SADDEST GENRE?

Try telling someone that you’re a short story writer. Look at her face. See that expression? That’s why it’s the saddest genre.

WHAT ACTORS WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO PLAY THE PART OF YOUR CHARACTERS IN A MOVIE RENDITION?

One time I told a Hollywood type, a writer/actor, that I was a writer, and he asked what kind. I said a book writer. He said, novels? I said, no, short stories. He said, huh? How many stories? he said. I said, I dunno, like a dozen. Well, he said, it’s like you wrote the outline for a dozen movie scripts. Thanks, I said.

My point, I guess, is that since I wrote like a dozen little movies that this is a good question. Thanks for asking it, Sentient Internet Meme. I think I’d like James Franco to star in all of them along with the guy who is the main Hobbit in the first three Hobbit films. The guy who’s also short in real life.

WHAT IS THE ONE SENTENCE SYNOPSIS OF YOUR BOOK?

Since the book’s title is one sentence can that also be the synopsis?

SURE.

Okay. The synopsis is: Everyone wants to be ambassador to France.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO WRITE THE FIRST DRAFT OF YOUR MANUSCRIPT?

I don’t know. Longer than it should have, probably. Just like this is taking longer than it should.

BALLPARK?

Thirty-one years.

WHO OR WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO WRITE THIS BOOK?

All of the presidents but especially the ones whose faces are on dollars. I can’t wait to stare into their eyes as I count my stacks.

WHAT ELSE ABOUT YOUR BOOK MIGHT PIQUE THE READER’S INTEREST?

Pique is such an interesting word, don’t you think? I mean, think about it: pique, pique, pique. It’s fun the way it comes off the tongue.

IF YOU SAY SO.

I do.

WILL YOUR BOOK BE SELF-PUBLISHED OR REPRESENTED BY AN AGENCY?

If by “self-published” you mean that neither my wife nor parents have read it, then possibly. If by “represented by an agency” you mean traditional published and not read by my wife and parents, also possibly.

MY TAGGED WRITERS FOR NEXT WEEK ARE:

Sean Bernard. You’re it.

: An Open Bar Round Up: All Things Good

thetinhouse:

While we finally get around to working on our own fiction only to discover we still can’t write work feverishly over the holiday break to bring you more exciting blog diversions, we hope you’ll take a moment to revisit some of our favorite features that appeared on The Open Bar in…

Now you can listen: I went to Seattle and read some stories. I tossed out glow sticks. Rejoice!

I have an “Art of the Sentence” column up over at Tin House. Enjoy!